“I’ve never felt this angry about anything. How could being jealous make me so mad?”
Jealousy and anger often go hand-in-hand. Knowing that doesn’t help, though. If anything, it can feel like an endless cycle of emotions you don’t want to feel. Chances are good that if you could simply stop feeling jealous — turn it off like a light-switch — you would!
Did you know that a key ingredient to jealousy is fear of loss? You could be afraid of losing a relationship or a special person or an important work assignment. This fear of loss connects with the insecurity mentioned above and can add up to overwhelming feelings of defensiveness and frantic anxiety. This is your survival instinct kicking in, big time.
In cooler moments, you might reflect back on some of the thoughts you’ve had when this survival instinct is flaring up. Do these thoughts seem out of character to you?
The thing about our survival instincts is that they’re sometimes flaring up when our lives (or our relationships) aren’t really in danger. Our bodies and minds may feel like there’s a steep cliff up ahead, even when there’s not.
Have you read Why Do I Feel So Jealous? on this site yet? It may give you some insight into the roots of jealousy. For many people, those roots are there — and this is important — regardless of what the other people in their relationships are doing.
For some people, the same could be said of anger, in general: Their feelings of anger seem to spring out of nowhere, unexpectedly, and in unpredictable situations; or they seem to feel anger virtually every day and about everything. In these cases, there are often root causes of their anger, causes that have little or nothing to do with what they’re feeling angry about right now.